Well, it’ll be about 3 weeks tomorrow since the kinda/sorta “break up”. I say kinda/sorta because the potential remains for Kym and I to get back together.
Anyways, I’m feeling better about it all. I started out with instinctual sadness and bitterness, but I’ve finally been able to sort myself out and I’m doing okay.
I had talked like Kym was everything to me, and she felt pressured by that. I never meant that literally, but she was/is the most important part of my life. Since I’ve been without her I’ve continued to do well at my internship, hung out with friends, and have visited family. Aside from my love life, everything else is going pretty well. While Kym never overshadowed any aspect of my life, her lack of presense in it has allowed me to look at things more closely and to appreciate what I have. While she didn’t say it in so many words, I think she intended for me to realize this. And I have. What she probably didn’t expect was for me to continue to care about her, and strongly I might add. So while things are going well, I certainly feel a part of me is missing. I used to compare ourselves to “puzzle pieces”, as Kym and I seemed to be a perfect fit in every way. I still hold this to be true.
These are the things I look for in a girl: sense of humor, attractive figure, some interest in comics and/or video games, good taste in movies, not religious, non-smoker, occassional/social drinker, attitude/aggression, similar political views, zest for life, petite, rational and open-minded, all around fun and interesting.
Kym meets all of these characteristics in spades. I’m talking perfectly. That’s not to say she doesn’t have her flaws, but who doesn’t? In fact, I love her for the flaws! She has an infectious smile, amazing eyes, the softest touch, gives amazing massages, and just…just…has everything I’m looking for in a girlfriend! I’ve tried to come up with things that I dislike about her so this break would be easier, but haven’t been able to. One might think I’m simply putting Kym on a pedestal because she’s my first girlfriend, but it’s far from the truth. I’ve liked probably a dozen or so plus girls in my lifetime, 3 of which I felt strongly about. The other two besides Kym both pale in comparison, and I wouldn’t go out with either of them even if they asked. And believe me, I did consider it once I suddenly became single again and the interest… the interest just isn’t there. That’s not to say they aren’t great in their own way, but I’ve simply grown so close to Kym that it’s impossible to compare.
In the end, I am glad she and I are having this break because it’s allowing both of us to focus on other aspects of our lives with renewed appreciation. A solid month will be plenty for me though, and after that time has expired I’m going to do my best to resume this relationship. I love her, and even though she may be having her doubts I think she loves me too. And to those who don’t think I’m “good enough” for Kym and would rather she stay apart from me, think things through first. Is it the way I treat Kym or YOU that puts me in a negative light? I acknowledge that I wasn’t as kind as I could’ve been with some (oaky many) of you, and I made a resolution early this summer to change that. But please know that I have the very best intentions for Kym, and you’ve all seen how happy she can be with me. I don’t want others involved, but if you’re going to say anything may it only be positive. She values the judgment of her friends, and I don’t want negative talk causing her to drift away from me. I really do love her with every ounce of my being.
Kym rarely goes online, but nevertheless:
For my Midget,
I’ll never ever give up on you, Kym. I want to make you as happy as I can, to be with you and help you through any problems life brings, and to be an intimate partner for you to share yourself with. I’m not talking marriage, and certainly I’m not ready for that any more than you are. But I want to be with you, for a few months, a few years… as long as this ride can take us. And whether it ends after college, twenty years from now, or after one of us has passed on, I’ll forever value each moment I’ve shared with you.
When you are ready, please allow me the chance to mend the damage (if there is any) that I’ve caused. I want the best for you, and I truly believe that we had/have something special, something that, at the very least, deserves a second round. No one knows the future, but I’d like to discover what it holds in store along with you. Let’s see where things go from there.