Parent Update… Even More… (LIVEJOURNAL)

It continues…
My dad’s next response:

David… We just returned from celebrating your mom’s birthday in Vermont, only to come home to another disrespectful response. This is precisely why any therapist visits will only come out the same as before. We will not go this route again. The respect issue is ONLY up to you. You’ve chosen to ignore this plea for years. This will no longer be taken for granted or tolerated. It’s your turn to commit to an apology if we are to move forward in this house together. 

The minutes for phone usage’s were added on today. It cost us an extra $10 charge fee, (which was never applied before.) Make them last, because the last allotment of minutes was burned out way too fast. We can’t reasonably afford phone minutes to be used up like this and be expected to keep renewing them for you. You are still expected to call weekly with updates on school and you while we are currently paying your tuition. (We call you back so the minutes won’t get chewed up that way.) 


My reply:

…only to come home to another disrespectful response. Which part was disrespectful? Mentioning that idiot therapist we had met with (who did call me a smartass and thus was unprofessional)? Mentioning that we never sat down as a family with a group therapist (this is a fact)? Mentioning that you didn’t want to bother trying this route (I have the emails from you stating this as proof)? Mentioning that you’d essentially rather quit (implied by your disinterest in the therapy route)? Or was it my interpretation of that quote? You toss around the word disrespectful like it’s the word “the”. Please attempt to specify if you’re going to make accusations. The respect issue is ONLY up to you.  Only me? You and mom are just innocent victims of a disrespectful son, is that your take? Our problems are deep rooted and are complex, to simplify this and say that it’s all up to me is very much wrong. You tell me to take responsibility but neither you nor mom are taking any for yourselves in this situation (namely the whole bit of your “I was protecting your mother” excuse that you and mom cleverly conspired together… nobody believes this in the least and I’m still expecting you both to acknowledge what actually happened, which is what caused this greater gap to form between us in the first place).  You’ve chosen to ignore this plea for years.  I haven’t ignored it, I just don’t respect those that don’t respect me. Not calling me makes me feel rejected, and in turn I feel less desire to speak to either of you, thus decreasing my respect for you. This is one example of the domino effect your actions take. But apparantly the respect issue is only up to me…? You’ve both also fallen under a pattern of being robotic parents. It’s like your both on autopilot and following blind advice from some parenting book. There is very little sense of genuine parental love anymore. I feel that you guys just don’t care. It’s your turn to commit to an apology if we are to move forward in this house together. I’m still at a loss as to what I should apologize for. You attacked me and I cursed at you to release me. You almost ruined a friendship of mine by falsely assuming the Kills were lowlifes. How did you think I’d react? It’s like if someone slams their thumb in a car door and mumbles “shit”. It’s an expected reflex, it isn’t wrong, and it’s nothing to be sorry for. You are still expected to call weekly with updates on school and you while we are currently paying your tuition.   Seriously, why do you want me to call? You both have made clear your disinterest in speaking to me, so I really don’t understand. It’s like you want me to call “just because”.  I tried to call Mom on her birthday but there wasn’t even a ringtone on two occasions. I don’t know if the phone card ran out or what, but I hope it went well for her. – David

It’s obvious these emails with my parents are going nowhere. Thanks to some advice, I’ve decided to stop emailing them and will only call once every other week. If they start insulting me I’ll let them know I don’t want to hear it. If they ask again for an apology I’ll let them know that I was physically hurt and I won’t stand for that. Then I’ll respectfully end the phone call. It’s the best route I can take at this point.

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