I’ve been seeing postings such as the following on various girls’ facebook profiles and this mentality needs to be addressed:
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you…. The one who turns to his friends and says, ‘that’s her.’”
A guy should call YOU back after YOU hang up on him? What kind of expectation is that? Maybe you should have continued to calmly work out whatever issue was going on over the phone instead of being defeatist and childishly hanging up (aka, throwing a tantrum). Acting rude and expecting to be rewarded with a phone call isn’t realistic. If anything you should be calling HIM back and apologize for being a bitch and, assuming he even answers the call, appreciate that he’s not flipping out on YOU for your petty behavior.
Next, the “lying under the stars” and “listening to your heartbeat” nonsense… this expectation is just a tad too specific isn’t it? I’ve been in bed with an ex before and listened to each other’s heart beats, mainly because I was a foot taller than her and we both found the differences to be fascinating. I remember being able to wrap one hand around her entire fist. It was funny, cute, and happened spontaneously because it was real. Anyone that says to his girl “Hey, let’s go star-gazing tonight… oh, and I want to listen to your heart-beating, sweetie pie…” is disturbed. Plus, shouldn’t you be looking at the stars together? And wouldn’t she be laying on you? The dude is usually “the bottom” when snuggling, yes? So you’d have the better shot at hearing HIS heart beat. Hell, maybe he’d like that. Ever think of that?
Then we have the expectation that the right guy will stay awake to watch you fall asleep. Yeah, that’s sweet and all but, again, ONLY if it happens naturally. If you happen to fall asleep first and he looks over and smiles at the sight of your peaceful slumber, then drifts away too… THAT sounds nice. THAT actually happens. But staying awake on purpose to watch you pass out…? That’s a little creepy, if you ask me. And what if you’re not a good sleeper? How long should the guy fight off his own natural sleep pattern just to watch you toss and turn? Doesn’t he (hopefully) have a job to get up for in the morning? If you’re both laying in bed with the intention of sleeping, then let the sleep happen.
Next up: needing a “constant” reminder that “he cares” and how “lucky he is” to have you. I mean, sure, a guy should make nice comments and express how he feels. Butconstantly?? I’m curious… just how low IS your self-esteem? You should look at yourself in the mirror, know your sexy, and then be happy with yourself for the rest of the day whether you receive a compliment or not. It’s fine to expect some kind words from “your man”, but don’t rely on that alone to feel good. Have a little confidence in yourselfinstead of putting that entire burden on him. Besides, do you think girls are the only ones with esteem issues?? I’ve seen a girl point at a guy at a beach and say “ew, he has hair near his nipples… fuck that”. And girls think guys are the judgmental ones? We all have physical flaws and if you can’t let a couple minor ones slide because you’re a “must look like George Clooney…. must look like George Clooney…” zombie, then you’ll never find a man.
The rest of the stuff in the post… is sensible.
So what am I trying to say here?
The bottom line is that some of you girls need to stop putting yourselves on such high pedestals and stop searching for a fantasy. Being the fairer sex alone doesn’t give you as much long-term power as you might think. It’s nice to have a personality too, and a non-prissy one at that.
The general idea of wanting to find someone that appreciates us applies to both men and women; it’s a universal, natural desire. Embrace it and run with it. But don’t think of yourself as royalty, as though we men are lowly serfs that should be honored by the opportunity to spend money on you. Have standards, but keep them grounded in reality. Don’t expect us guys to wait on you hand and foot like yer Princess fuckin’ Di.
We got shit to do.
(Plus she’s, y’know… dead.)