Stupid, stupid surveys…

Why aren’t you dating the person you want?
Good question. I thought fit, intelligent, funny guys were all the rage but apparently tattooed dudes that prefer Fast and the Furious over American Beauty and can’t spell worth a damn are far more popular. Curse of having an old soul, I suppose. I think I’ll have better luck in my 40’s.
Has the last person you kissed ever taken their shirt off in front of you?
And then some. Woo woo!
Have you and that person ever talked about getting married?
It’s been hypothetically discussed, though I personally have zero interest in marriage until I’m 30. I’m down with monogamous relationships, but a ring and kids and all that jazz are not desired yet. people get married far too young and often wind up divorced. I’d like to have one wife, and one wife only so I take the idea of marriage very seriously.
Do you like to cuddle?
If I’m romantically involved with a person, there will be copious amounts of cuddling involved. 
Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months?
She isn’t being very cooperative. But maybe she’ll come around.
Do you cry easily?
Not out of sadness, no. And it’s not because of a “guys can’t cry” attitude, I just process most things quickly. Inspiring movies make me cry more than anything in this silly reality of ours.
Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?
No, I’m devoid of emotion. OF COURSE I HAVE!
Are you excited for anything?
Memorial Day weekend in L.A. to check out the apartment I plan to move into this Fall, in addition to attending the opening of what looks to be a fucking amazing Tim Burton exhibit. 
Where was your profile picture taken?
At my apartment.
What should you be doing right now?
Probably worrying… but I find that to be a massive waste of time.
How many tattoos do you have?
None. I doubt I’ll ever come up with an image I’d still want on my body when I’m elderly.
When was the last time you watched a horror movie?
Does Shutter Island count? Yes? Then that.
Do you have any drugs in your room?
No, I have zero drugs in my room. (They’re in the kitchen.)
Have you ever broken anyone’s heart?
Never purposefully, but yes. Several times.
Have you ever seen the last person you texted naked?
Yes, actually, but not since last Fall.
Do you want to see somebody right now?
Several people, yes. Despite my hatred of 80% of the human race, there are dozens of people I wouldn’t mind seeing right now.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months?
My record was three years, so yeah. I’m in it for the long haul.
Next time you will kiss someone?
Do you have a reason to smile right now?
I always have a reason to smile. I’m fairly good at finding the silver lining even in the worst of circumstances. Example: If I vomit, I know I’ll feel better right after. If I’m dumped, I know I’ve ruled out one more person that isn’t worth my time. If I’m arrested, I know I’ll have a story to tell. If I get a sunburn, I know it will turn into a nice tan within a couple days. If someone I know dies, it reminds me that I’m still alive. See what I mean? But while I may always HAVE a reason to smile, I don’t always remember what it is. Those are bad times.
What was the first thing you said this morning?
Aloud? Probably something along the lines of “mehhhhh”.
Has anyone upset you in the last week?
Humanity upsets me daily in one form or another.
Do you prefer dark or light hair on the opposite sex?
Based on my relationship history, I tend to go for the darker-haired ladies… though there have been exceptions. I haven’t explored the redheads yet, so that remains a mystery.
Do you believe what goes around comes around?
Not at all. As Lewis Black said: the good die young, but pricks live forever. Which is probably why I try to keep my inner prick alive and well fed, but usually wield it for comedic purposes. 
Is your birthday on a holiday?
It fell on Mother’s Day when I was born and does so every seven years, I think.
If you could have a plane ticket to anywhere right now, where would you go?
I have one for L.A. already, but… perhaps Italy. If court goes badly, Europe might be my only recourse.
Did you enjoy your day today?
Thus far I went to the gym, did a massive overdue load of laundry, read some excellent articles on screenwriting, soaked up some rays in the park, got a call from one of my all-time favorite people, and drank a single ice cold beer (yay for restraint!). Next up: shower, then another beer. (Oh well, I tried.) 
Does anyone think you are a bitch?
Hmm… my dad called me a “son of a bitch” once… I pointed out that he had insulted himself but that got me upgraded to “smartass”. He was half right.
Do you miss someone?
Some that are living, some that are not.
Are you different from how you were a year ago?
I have become more practical and added a few notches in the confidence department. My literary wit seems sharper.
Do you straighten your hair everyday?
Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
That’s like asking if I know anyone that eats food. It’s 2011, folks.
Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
Tomorrow I find out definitively whether or not the DMV will support me in my legal case and I meet with my lawyer to formulate a final game plan. Tomorrow has potential to be tremendous or horrendous. I’m not a fan of uncertainty. On the plus side, at least I’ll be one step closer ending this train of bullshit, regardless of what track it takes next.
Do you like being tickled?
The laughter is a reflex and not necessarily indicative of enjoyment.
Don’t tickle me.
Are you wearing pants? If so, where did you get them from?
No, actually. Warm day. 
What color’s your shirt?
Not wearing one, but it was black.
Were you happy when you woke up?
A mix of frustration and annoyance, but I quickly turned that into productivity. 
Do you hate anyone?
I despise many people… but I don’t hate anyone.
Do you enjoy dancing?
If I’m just a couple drinks shy of being blackout drunk, then yes. Otherwise no, and that’s solely because I’m a terrible dancer. I’m a natural at slow-dancing, though. Who knew?
Do you have a pet dog or cat?
I had a cat, but he got outside and never came back. Then I got another cat, but she got outside and never came back. There won’t be a third.
Do you think about anyone before you go to bed?
Sometimes I think of a certain lady in my life… but usually I pass out very quickly. I tend to try and to work out creative obstacles in my head until I drift away.
Will you be on the floor tonight?
I DO own furniture…
Do you get distracted easily?
I was literally about to step into the shower but here I am still answer these questions in the nude. But no, I’m normally fairly focused.
Where is the one boy/girl you want to see the most right now?
At her cousin’s birthday party.
Do you hate the last guy/girl you were talking to?
Didn’t I already say I don’t hate anyone? Pay attention, goddammit! 

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