Get Off My Lawn

My generation, born in the mid-80’s, has it’s share of poor tastes. What generation doesn’t? I’ve tried to be as objective about this as possible and I keep reaching the same conclusion… the latest breed of mid to late 90’s babies have grown up without any understanding of what constitutes as quality entertainment.

Music is the biggest failing. You fucks think modern rap is even remotely music? Granted I have never liked rap in the least and certainly don’t now, but even I can acknowledge that musicians in this arena used to have something to actually say. Now it’s just “nigga dis” and “fuck dat”. Toss in a repetitive beat, half naked women, and sprinkle on some gang references and you’ve got yourself the COOLEST MUTHA FUCKIN MUSIC VID OF ALL TIME, SON!!

No. No, you don’t. All you have is the most gullible audience in history.

Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, Drake, Lil Wayne… it’s all just noise. Miley and Bieber are mutations bred in a Disney laboratory. Drake is a whiny bitch. And Lil Wayne is why God invented abortion.

Now I’m sure some 90’s born kids are reading this and thinking I’m being too harsh on them. It’s possible. I know several born in the 90’s that have >gasp< great taste. But in general, your generation has destroyed most forms of art and entertainment. And yes, I am blaming the audience because if you didn't embrace crappy things in the first place then they wouldn't have become mainstream. It's a consumer based society, folks. If you buy it, they'll make more. And more. And more.

Television is another culprit, though not quite as bad. Burn Notice, One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl, the majority of reality TV… all terrible garbage that you people just swallow whole. I find it hard to believe that you don’t at least gag on this crap. All these shows do is take pretty, talentless people (ex: Friends) and have them read cue cards written by an equally talentless writing team. Show openings used to at least provide some kind of substance, but even those have fallen apart.

Opening to One Tree Hill:

Opening to Gossip Girl:

I mean, what are these two shows other than daytime soaps with a bigger budget? XOXO?! Unbelievable. Fortunately there’s a decent number of great shows to counter the crap. Breaking Bad, House, Dexter, Boardwalk Empire, Mad Men, It’s Always Sunny, Modern Family… there’s still hope for television.

But one of the worst tragedies in the degradation of entertainment is the current shape of cartoons. Early 90’s and the mid-90’s had some solid stuff. By the end of the decade it was just about dead, ultimately finished off by the 2000’s. Why? Because your generation decided that flash-animated cartoons were a suitable substitute for hand-drawn animation. I mean, who needs real artists making believable characters when you can just use a computer to make flash-driven automatons? It might be good for business, but not the viewer. But thanks to the tasteless who keep eating it up, I doubt we’ll see a reversal of the quantity over quality trend.

This difference is evident in the following two clips of Looney Tunes. The first is the CGI “New Looney Tunes” shit that Cartoon Network is churning out. I picked a Coyote/Roadrunner clip because you would think it wasn’t possible to tarnish something so simple yet so entertaining. Well, they found a way.

See for yourself:

Compare that to a Chuck Jones helmed Coyote/Roadrunner clip:

See the difference? And I don’t mean just the 2-D versus 3-D. Look at the facial expressions, the fluidity of the character movement. Check out the “dust cloud” effect when Road Runner is speeding by. These seemingly minor details matter because they affect how invested the viewer is. With the old style you get sucked into the story while the new version you function as just a casual observer. There’s no investment, no awe, no sense of wonder… no art.

It’s a perfect metaphor for the generational problem I’ve been ranting about. Whatever is superficial and uses the latest technology is what grabs attention now. While superficiality has always been a part of the entertainment industry, it also used to rely more heavily on talent than it does today. Or maybe I’m just growing up and recognizing a trend that has always exist, but lately it does seem increasingly all about who can make the best icing on the cake. Which rapper can curse the most? Which show has the hottest stars? Which cartoon is 3-D? Which movie has the biggest explosions? Sure, the frosting might be the sweetest part… but without the cake beneath it’s not a very satisfying dessert.

So have a slice of humble pie, all you 20-and-under folks, and admit that the majority of you have no idea what tastes good anymore. And if you already did have a pallet for the good stuff then congratulations. You are a rare breed, indeed.


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