THINK… it’s not illegal yet.

Oh, humans… so many are just so exceedingly retarded. And not the drooling type that talk funny, I’m talking about those that are just plain unintelligent.

So an ex of mine works at the Mocha Lisa Cafe in Clifton Park, NY. Well, not exactly an ex… we didn’t date per se but we did have a regular “thing” going on for a bit last year. Eventually I felt that she was becoming too attached. She was experiencing multiple losses in her life that were making her, in my humble opinion, increasingly emotionally vulnerable. If I were to be her intimate source of comfort she would have gotten too close and I didn’t want to hurt her when we inevitably broke up. I had plans to move to CA in April 2014 (in ten days, in fact) which she was aware of… which made it all seem that much more risky. If she was sticking around despite the high likelihood that she’d be hurt in the end then that irrationality only further indicated that her emotions were calling the shots. I enjoyed my time with her both in and out of the bedroom, but there wasn’t enough time to get close enough that I’d consider letting her move with me to CA when April came around. Circumstances can be a bitch but they should never be ignored. So I decided to be practical and ended it early which made her, of course, furious. If we were having “just a fling” then she wouldn’t have been so upset. It vindicated my assessment and I was glad that I had made the right call.

This was several months ago.

I came across a groupon-type deal for the Mocha Lisa Cafe back in December, well after I’d stopped speaking with her, and got $40 worth of credit for $20. Hell of a deal, right? It’s like a non-corporate version of Starbucks. Nice couches and chairs all over, great coffee, really good food. Well, turns out she started working there. Of course.

Rather than surprise her I figured it would be better to give her some kind of heads up. So we chatted via txt. She was still bitter and hadn’t forgiven me but was cordial. A few days later I went to Mocha Lisa and it was indeed her shift. To her credit, she was pleasantly professional. Her anger was still noticeable but it was buried well enough. I ordered a breakfast wrap and a coffee and went on my way. Just to ease any tension, I txted her my thanks for making an “exquisite wrap” and joked that it was so good that it gave me “half a chub”. I knew her sense of humor well enough to know that she’d at least be amused.

No big deal, right?

Days later I txted her to let her know I was officially moving on April 28th and that I still had groupons left to use so I’d be by a few more times. I wanted her and I to fully part on a more positive note than how we’d left it months ago, so I suggested that I could time it at the end of her shift so we could chill at the cafe. Here is the exact txt that I sent:

I could time my next wrap/coffee at the end of your shift sometime so we can chit chat if you were obliging. Comfy place.

I received this in reply:

Hey bro, this is ____’s boyfriend. Stop with the smut talk in fact just stop all together. It’s pissing her off and you don’t even want to begin to see ME angry!

Uh… what? 1) I wasn’t using smut talk. If he was referring to my use of the word “chub”, that had been several days ago, was used to refer to the wrap, not her, and thus was completely irrelevant. Either she fed him a line of bullshit or he was a complete idiot. Being that he was using her cell, he likely had read the conversation and was fully informed already. Which suggests that he, indeed, was a complete idiot.

What is wrong with people these days? Are they just oversensitive? Paranoid? Insecure? Is there a brain deficiency problem? Whatever the case, it’s an extreme sign of weak character to react the way that this guy did. And even further, it’s also rather pathetic that she didn’t reply herself and had him do it instead. Unless he took it upon himself, in which case he was reading her txts without permission and is thus an even bigger douche than he seemed because he clearly has no respect for her privacy.

I’m just thoroughly sick of being accused of something entirely fictional. A few examples: I sent an ex of mine a friendly Christmas card years ago… and she reported me to the cops for harassment. I added a close friend’s girlfriend on Facebook… and he stopped speaking to me for over half a year (that situation was remedied years ago, thankfully). I tried LSD for the first time and shared the experience with my father… and two years later he accused me of having a drug problem. I had a bench warrant issued in 2011 for a non-violent offense… and my Aunt’s husband suggested that I might secretly be a murderer. I told my cousin that I wanted to avoid her boyfriend because he’d written some asshole comments to me… so he told my family that I threatened him. My parents found bug spray in my car, thought it smelled like alcohol… and thus called me an alcoholic. The mother of the kid I babysat for over seven months discovered I owned a bong (which was OUTSIDE, mind you)… and suddenly she thought I was a drug fiend and a terrible danger to her child.

People need to get a fucking goddamn grip on reality. If you have a problem with somebody or there’s an issue you’d like to discuss… then discuss. Don’t leap to conclusions, don’t make false assertions, and stay the fuck out of my face if you ultimately insist on still doing either of those things. The next person to pull this kind of stunt is not going to enjoy what follows, because I have been exceedingly patient in tolerating this type of shit.

Those days are over.  

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