Let the South Rise (and Fall) Again

“The South shall rise again.” Most Americans are familiar with this phrase, a popular tag-line of Southerners that still resent the Northern Yankees for winning the Civil War (…because Lincoln fought to preserve the Union and end slavery, so… I guess they want slavery back? I don’t get it). Fact is they were morally on the wrong side of history and rightfully lost. Sorry for taking away your free labor force, but let that be a lesson of what happens when you build an economy dependent that almost entirely relies on human suffering.

Some in the South don’t want slavery back, of course, but merely want their “freedom” back. You know, like the freedom to stop women from having access to abortion clinics, the freedom to limit voting rights for minorities, the freedom to carry guns anywhere at anytime, the freedom to discriminate against homosexuals, etc. So you know what? I say we give it to them. Let the South be it’s own nation and have it’s way. Why not? Here are a few things to consider:

The five states with the highest percentage of people in poverty: Texas, Alabama, New Mexico, Louisiana, and Mississippi. (Source)

The five states with the highest obesity rates:
Arkansas, West Virginia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Delaware. (Source)

The five states most dependent on welfare from the federal government: New Mexico, Mississippi, Kentucky, Alabama, Montana. (Source)

The five states with the worst public education system: South Dakota, Alabama, Mississippi, Nevada, Minnesota. (Source)

The five states with the highest rate of gun deaths: Louisiana, Mississippi, Alaska, Arkansas, and Alabama. (Source)

The five most racist states based on record of hate crime statistics: Texas, Mississippi, Georgia, Alabama, South Carolina. (Source)

The five states with the worst overall health care: Nevada, Arkansas, Texas, Mississippi, and Oklahoma. (Source)

The five states with the highest rate of violent crime: Tennessee, Nevada, Alaska, New Mexico, South Carolina.

The five states with the most restricted reproductive rights: Nebraska, Kansas, Idaho, and Tennessee. (Source)

…need I go on?

Every state has it’s problems, but do you notice the overwhelming trend? The red states, the Republican states, the conservative states… with rare exception… suck. They suck. How else can I put it after reading those kinds of statistics? Yet those very same states elect politicians that support more of the same policies that are causing them to suck.

Listen, I’ve spent time with people in the South. There are many truly great people there and I would never condemn those folks. This isn’t personal. Unfortunately their state governments royally suck, but now that the internet exists the responsibility lies increasingly on the voters. They know less guns means less death. They know that racism is unjustified. They know that violence isn’t the answer. They know (deep down) that women should have a right over their own reproductive health. And they know damn well that too fried food is unhealthy.

They know all of these things (or could quickly could) because they have access to Google just as easily as the rest of us. In some cases it simply comes down to ignorance but that just isn’t a good excuse anymore. Not in the post-internet age.

I should clarify that I am not suggesting that we kick any states out of the Union. Not at all. I’m simply saying that if the most violent, racist, homophobic, trigger-happy, unhealthy, poorly-educated, welfare-leeching states voluntarily want to leave… then maybe we’d be better off not stopping them.

Would it really be such a loss?


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